74 Thoughts All Girls Have While Shopping On ASOS
2. The internet is boring me.
3. I do not care about your baby pictures.
4. And I definitely don’t care that it’s your three-year anniversary with your stupidly fit boyfriend.
5. I’ll just browse ASOS.
6. SO many trends I was not aware of.
8. DUNGAREE SHORTS.
9. I think I had some dungaree shorts.
10. I should not have given them to charity.
11. I probably could have got like, £15 for them on Etsy now.
12. I bet people wear dungaree shorts on their three-year anniversary picnics with their fit boyfriends.
13. I’d never wear them – so hard to pee.
14. I could do with some new leggings.
15. All my old ones have holes in.
16. Or are faded.
17. Or are familiar and unexciting.
18. Why would you buy leggings that already have holes in?
19. Leggings are like warm hugs for your legs – what are you doing with the sexy rips?
20. They are sexy though…
21. OOOOH, look at those ones, so geometric.
23. SO COOL.
24. SEVENTY POUNDS.
25. For leggings.
26. Forgot to order the price from low to high.
27. That would be the problem.
28. Ah yes, these are very reasonably priced.
29. But not as nice as the £70 ones.
29. I’ll just click the little heart on the posh leggings.
30. Just to show them I appreciate them.
31. So I can look at them as I fall asleep at night.
32. And maybe write some fanfic about Eddie Redmayne going for the girl in the sexy geometric leggings.
33. Maybe I could add them in the “save for later” basket.
34. There’s no harm in that.
35. Maybe I’ll get a promotion at work.
36. Or find £70 lying on the floor.
37. Or inherit a large amount of money from an aunt I’ve never met.
38. Then it would be awful if they’d sold out of the posh leggings.
39. OK, I will save them for the ~future~.
40. Wouldn’t want to see some other bitch in the last pair of size 12s.
41. OK, OK, back to the “low to high” life.
42. Those are boring.
43. Those are maternity.
44. But they might be very comfortable?
45. No, don’t be that person.
46. Those are weird, with sexy rips.
47. Those look like they are made out of swimming suit material.
48. OH, LOOK AT THOSE.
49. Those are like, exactly the same as the posh leggings.
50. Like, only a tiny weeny bit less nice.
51. But for £18.
52. I do not need to inherit money from a mystery aunt to buy an £18 pair of leggings.
53. These leggings are gonna be on my legs in a matter of days.
54. Making me look mega sexy.
55. And trendy.
56. The kind of girl that would catch Eddie Redmayne’s eye.
57. These leggings will change my life.
58. They will probably get me the promotion and then I can buy the posh pair as well.
59. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVE NONE IN MY SIZE.
60. Why is the world so cruel?
64. Bet someone is selfishly hogging my size in the “save for later” basket.
65. Who would do that?
66. OK, I’ll just look at the posh leggings again.
67. FUCK IT, IT’S A SIGN.
68. BUYING THOSE SEXY ARSE LEGGINGS.
69. I can always return them.
70. I need to return that other pair of leggings that gave me a camel toe anyway.
72. And what is the point of going to the Post Office to return one thing?
73. It’s just not logical.
74. Seventy pounds is a small price to pay to change your whole life around.
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