21 Lessons “The Conjuring 2” Taught Us About Staying Alive During A Possession

Warning: The following post contains…

Continue at your own risk.

1.
Never buy/rent a furnished house.

They end up coming with something extra, and by something extra we mean the ghost of an old man possessed by a demon.

2.
Nail at least two different points of your crucifixes into the wall.

That way you can prevent the forces of Satan from turning them upside down.

3.
Fix water leaks as soon as they happen.

What’s better, fixing a leak on any old Sunday, or fixing a leak in the middle of a Satanic possession? Think about it.

4.
If you see something in the mirror, don’t look away, don’t turn around, just run.

Seriously, JUST RUN. DOESN’T MATTER WHERE! JUST GO!

5.
Learn as many demon names as you can. You never know how many you’re going to need.

Start here.

6.
If you’re dreaming about a demon, don’t paint its portrait.

Otherwise its shadow will enter your home and use the painting to attack you, obviously. You know better than that.

7.
If your neighbors say their house is haunted, don’t invite them to sleep over.

It’s nothing personal, but spirits tend to follow individuals, and you don’t want something malignant destroying the display cabinet your grandmother left you.

8.
Always check dark corners.

Especially if you see your son/daughter/nephew/niece/brother/sister talking to something in one.

9.
Good idea: Give loved ones toys that make noise.

Like a fire truck. Not only is it fun and safe, but it’ll also help you keep track of any dark forces moving around your home.

10.
Bad idea: Give loved ones toys that light up and play music.

Because you know that tall, thin creature stalking the shadows of your home will just end up playing with it and keeping you up all night.

11.
Don’t let your kids make tents out of bed linen.

This one should be obvious. Any blanket fort your kid makes is just going to end up being a hiding place for the forces of evil. It’s almost like you WANT them to invade your home and destroy your family.

12.
Always have an axe at hand.

You never know when an apparition might lock the door while trying to kill your loved ones.

13.
If your sister screams out in the middle of the night, she probably has a good reason for doing so.

If she says to you, “GET OUT OF MY HOUSE” definitely pay attention, but obviously don’t stick around to investigate for too long.

14.
Homemade ouija boards are much worse than the ones they sell.

You know what? Just avoid all of them.

15.
If you think you’re possessed, record EVERYTHING!

Right from the start, seriously. Otherwise, literally nobody will believe you until it’s WAY too late.

16.
Never get out of bed for any reason. ESPECIALLY not to find the remote control.

I know…I know…the TV is changing channels on its own and flashing upsetting images at you, but trust me and just let it do its thing.

17.
Here’s a tip: If you’re not sure if it’s a possession or just a run-of-the-mill grumpy teen, use the ventriloquist trick to see if they keep threatening you while they’re drinking a cup of water.

But this is VERY IMPORTANT: If they keep talking about flaying you alive and dragging your soul to Hell in an unearthly and horrifying voice while they’re drinking, RUN.

18.
Never tie yourself to your bed.

Maybe the dark forces were causing you to sleepwalk through the house causing mischief, so you figured it’d be a good idea to tie yourself down, right? Wrong. You’re still going to end up creeping along the ceiling, but now your bed will be up there with you.

19.
If someone knocks loudly on your door in the middle of the night, don’t answer.

Just go to sleep, or pretend to sleep. Just don’t answer it.

20.
Stay with the person who believes you.

Awwwwwww.

And most important of all…
21.
NEVER LEAVE HOME WITHOUT A ROSARY.

You never know when a demonic nun might appear behind you. Actually, if you’re headed to a house plagued by possession, it’s a pretty safe bet that a demonic nun is going to appear behind you. Be prepared.

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