16 Things You’ll Only Understand If You’re Currently Not Having Sex
It started slow. You barely noticed. But then you realized it’s been two weeks since you last kissed anyone.
So you start thinking… “I’m an independent and empowered person. It’s not like I need to kiss someone everyday just to feel desirable, right?” No big deal!
And then a month goes by. Still no luck getting that kiss, and the thought of doing “it” isn’t even a possibility.
Thoughts start going through your head. Thoughts like, “God, what if I start to, like, unlearn some of those things I used to know how to do?”
“What do I even do with my tongue?”
You find yourself fantasizing about how nice it is to fantasize about getting it on.
“Remember how nice it is to think about doing it?”
When you see couples making out on TV or in movies, you’re all like…
And seeing happy couples walking down the street makes you sigh and feel sorry for yourself.
Eu vendo vc bjando outras bocas
01:35 AM – 18 Nov 2015
“Look at those lovebirds over there, being in love, walking down the street in love with each other…”
And then the panic sets in… “OH GOD!! WHAT IF I NEVER HAVE SEX AGAIN IN MY LIFE???”
You consider the possibility that anatomy could actually change because of a lack of… activity.
Me. Practically a virgin now.
03:27 PM – 03 Mar 2016
“Wait… can the hole close up? Like an ear piercing?”
The news gets out, and suddenly all your friends are forcing their single friends into awkward situations with you all the time.
You start to wonder if you’ve had a curse placed on you.
Because destroying someone’s sex life is a pretty cruel curse to inflict on someone.
You start to think through every little thing you’ve done wrong in your life. There must be something you did that you’re being punished for. Maybe it’s because you didn’t leave a tip at that bar that one time? Could that be it?
Not tipping is like breaking a mirror. One missed tip = seven years with no sex.
Even your parents notice, and start encouraging you to put yourself out there a little more.
“Stop talking about that stuff, mom!”
And then you come to terms with this “new” virginity you’ve discovered, and you learn to accept it. Who needs sex anyway?
All you can do is be patient, and wait for the right person to come along and break your dry spell. Someone you’re totally compatible with.
…and hope that you don’t accidentally swallow them whole the first time you kiss.
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